Reflections

I am deeply attached to my children (as, we hope, most parents are). My heart soars with their joys and feels such sorrow with their pain (within reason, of course - tears from being told,that...no, you may not have a chocolate chip cookie for breakfast, do not qualify).

Currently, I am experiencing something new. Another rung on the parenting ladder perhaps. You see,for the past 18 months we have been homeschooling. Yes. Late mornings, leisurely breakfasts, time to do nothing and just relax (as well, as maths, reading, writing, science, exploration, dance, drama, singing, gardening, art, swimming lessons, musical instruments AND spending time with friends). We entered a new paradigm where our relationships grew and blossomed and challenged us as well. We had freedom like I've never known - to be exactly who we wanted to be without worrying about satisfying others.

Due to a sudden medical, shall we say, incident, which required immediate surgery and an extended recovery period, we decided, or rather, I grudgingly decided, it would be best for all of us for the girls to return to school for a term.

Well, the term is nearly finished and I'm nearly better and EVERYONE WANTS TO REMAIN IN SCHOOL! This, my friends, is the challenge. I am not keen. 

I know. I know. I am the parent, and ultimately what I say has a bit more clout in the decision making process. However, after many talks with ALL of us as a FAMILY, well..... I see their point.

I am 100% confident I can teach or provide all of the academics taught in the classroom in one day in about 1 hour per day at home. I can resource music teachers and art and dance teachers in order to provide a deeper, more specialized experience in areas which I am lacking. I can provide time with homeschooled and schooled friends.

What I cannot be is this... I cannot be an 11 year old, or 10 year old, or 8 year old. I cannot tell those little secrets which are sacred between friends. I cannot provide the drama of who is being nice to who today. I cannot be a soccer team at outside play time. 

 I can be me. A mum who is kind, loving, caring, generous (and who occasionally yells, sometimes really loud). I can be a mum who continues to listen and respect, just as I would expect my children to listen and respect me. I can be a mum who isn't afraid to set boundaries. I can also be a mum who isn't afraid to shift boundaries, as needed. I can be a mum who is always striving to improve myself and my own parenting through honesty, communication, laughter, and sometimes tears.

So, for now, back to school it is. I am proud of my children for continuing to try new things. I am proud of my children for acknowledging their nerves and then, giving it a go anyways. I am proud of their love which they project from within. I am proud that we, as a family, can support each other and feel safe enough to share with each other our desires. 

We bought their new school uniforms (gulp) yesterday. My heart felt like it was bleeding (I know that sounds very cliche and dramatic, but that's how it felt). The girls were clear, calm and excited, with a twinkle in their eyes as we drove home -  them, clutching their new clothes.

I know they will have fun (most of the time). I know they enjoy the experience (most of the time). I am happy for them.

I try to do what is best for right now...

My friend said that this is called growing up. I suppose for all of us. 

 

Comments

[andrea]

This is beautiful quigley!!! So proud of you mama... and feel so much compassion for how complicated it feels.

Love you.
xo
a

[playinginmudpuddles]

Thanks matey - the anxiety is clearing - ahh - thanks for your love - it always help doesn't it... xquig